~Happy Birthday Dad~

 

~my Dad's raised bed filled with tomatoes (from earlier in the summer)~

~~~~~

My Dad sure loves his 'Big Mamas'.

I've mentioned this before - this year when I posted 'the first tomato of 2009'.  He grew his own plants, from seed, following how his wife (my Mom) used to do it every spring.  He was proud that he was successful - and that he grew plants worthy of transplanting into his raised beds filled with mushroom compost and Albemarle County clay.

My brother and I weren't able to be in Virginia with Dad to celebrate his birthday.  I had a cake at the church for him (three of them actually), and following the service the congregation gathered in the fellowship hall with him, enjoying cake and coffee.  He told me afterwards that everyone stayed, and that they waited for him to get the first piece of cake.  My brother is sending him Maine lobsters tomorrow for Tuesday delivery - enough for a few of his friends as well.  They'll definitely have a feast on Tuesday evening.

My Dad has had a difficult time since my Mom passed away.  He's lonely and a bit lost - and although he is still staying busy - going to church, visiting his brothers, UVA football and basketball games, physical therapy/exercise three days a week with one of his brothers - it's just not the same as having someone with you all of the time.  He and my Mom did everything together.  Plus, my Mom was incredibly energetic - and was always doing something for someone...or planting something new in her garden.

A few months ago, my brother accompanied Dad to a geriatric specialist - a wonderful physician - and all I can say is that if you have the necessary insurance, it sure beats a primary care physician (or at least my Dad's primary care physician) for an aging parent.  Dad's first appointment lasted for three hours - three hours - two of which the physician was present in the room.  I was amazed.   

During the appointment, my Dad was given a number of cognitive tests - my brother and I (as well as my Dad) had worried about dementia-related issues for some time - and finally had the courage to find out what was going on.  My Dad was nervous taking the tests, and my brother and I were nervous about what we might find out.  We dreaded hearing the 'A' word - we were still exhausted from our Mom's battle with cancer and her death - we craved calm.

Dad was tentatively diagnosed with depression-linked dementia.

I had not heard of this before, and I suppose that is why I am writing about it here.  Dad was prescribed Lexapro - and about six weeks later tested approximately 40% better in the same cognitive tests he had taken earlier.

Things are not perfect.  My brother and I still worry about him, and he still sometimes sounds confused.  But we've noticed a positive difference in him, as have his brothers, his friends, and his neighbors. 

There is still alot of controversy in the literature and press surrounding a diagnosis of depression-linked dementia, and there still is a greater chance for the condition to worsen (not everyone responds well to anti-depressants).  I'm not someone who generally promotes a pill to solve a problem (that sounds wrong:  what I mean is that I support a holistic view of health, with medication a definite, but not the only, component to treatment) - but I do strongly believe that depression in the elderly is often left untreated.  I think that is unfortunate.  My Dad is quite healthy in all other respects - there are many years, hopefully, left in him - and I would like him to live them to their fullest.  I would like him to feel that he has interesting and fun things to look forward to in his life - that he still can contribute.  I know for absolute sure that my brother and I still need him.  He's our Dad.

So Happy 76th Birthday Dad - and to many more birthdays ahead!

  ~~~~~

~Dad's 'Big Mamas' and other tomatoes, waiting to made into spaghetti sauce for canning~

~~~~~

Comments

[Janet]

Nice birthday wishes! I am sure he misses your mom. The agony of losing a spouse really takes its toll...young or old. My dad died 17 years ago and it took a physical toll on my mom. Eleven years ago my friend's husband died, it was very hard on her, healthwise. Grief does strange things. I am glad your dad is seeing a geriatric specialist -- they make a great deal of difference.

[Susan Tomlinson]

Happy birthday to your Dad!

It is hard to watch a parent miss the other. My mom is on the same boat. Here's hoping your dad can overcome his loneliness soon. Hugs to him.

[Pam]

Janet, I'm happy that he is seeing a specialist too - my brother and I are thrilled that we found this new physician. It's helping us all to have 'better' time together.

Susan, I hope that your Mother is doing okay - it's so hard to see them missing their partner so much. It's heartbreaking really. I want to think that my Father can enjoy fully the remainder of his life - I know he will always miss his wife (my mom), but I would like him to look forward to his days and feel like they can still be good ones.