~ghosts~

I need to resurface, but I'm not quite ready yet.

I will.  And soon.

It has been a difficult and busy week.

My brother said a few days ago that it feels like we are ghosts - and that we are wandering an alternate universe.  Yesterday we found ourselves sitting in wicker chairs, on display in the Harris Teeter grocery store in my parent's hometown - the store that we went to over the past year in search of food that our Mother might eat.  We sat there for almost an hour, reflecting on the past year.  No one seemed to notice us sitting there.

We are tired and sad.

~~~~~ 

But it's time to start thinking about our own lives once again.

Comments

[Nancy Bond]

I do hope that you are able to find the rhythm of your own lives again. All my best to you and yours through what must be a very difficult time.

[Annie in Austin]

Wandering an alternative universe is an appropriate phrase - none of wants to go there but it happens anyway. You have our thoughts and our hearts, Pam.

Annie

[Layanee]

I have been thinking of you and your family for the past week. Nothing is ever quite the same and the daylight certainly has a different quality in that 'alternate universe'. It will balance itself out again, never to be the same.

[Pam/Digging]

I've been thinking of you daily, Pam. Thank you for being brave enough to write about your mother and facing your loss online. It has taught me so much about what is really important. My condolences to you and your family.

[joan]

I've had you in my thoughts every day. I am so sorry for your loss.

[clay]

my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. do take care alright...

[jodi]

Oh Pam. What a brave soul you are, to put your heart out to the world like this. LIke others, you've been in my thoughts daily, though other commitments have kept me from reading as much online as I normally do.
There are dozens of spring flowers popping up in my garden the past few days, as if in response to so many losses and sorrows (there have been several losses in my world this week, too). Your mum is at ease now, which I hope is some comfort, and meanwhile you and your family are her legacy of love. Be gentle with yourselves in these days and those yet to come.

[The County Clerk]

OK... I'll be the heavy...

Sorrow and pain need the nepenthe of activity. This is not a cure, it is maintenance. It is how we keep the pain from crushing us, or worse, rusting our souls. The pain and sorrow will not go away and your wonderful mama will not be forgotten. She lived too great a life for that. Her waves will ripple on and on. You are only one of them.

So... beam out of that alternative universe now, if you can. Try hard. It is springtime in THIS universe. It is time to garden, play with dogs and remember sad things while in happier circumstances. (Not "happy" (not yet), just "happier.)

Nepenthe.

Might we have a bloom day post?

[Christopher C NC]

I had to leave for a moment and come back. How is it that we never expect these things to happen and when they do, we are shocked and deeply wounded? It is loss, a life changing loss we would rather not have. The only choice we are given is the healing process.

I wish you and your family well Pam. You will resurface when the tear in the fabric of your universe mends together again. Love is a fine thread for the job.

[Daniel]

Very sorry about your Mom.

[JanetLee]

Pam, I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, have been thinking about you, your brother and your father.

[Kim]

I've been thinking about you, too, Pam. Like everyone else above, I keep checking back here and will be happy to hear from you when you're ready to resurface... and keep trying to send you positive thoughts in the meantime.

By the way, I found fuzzy buds on my oakleaf hydrangea last week. And this week I have the tiniest, down-covered oakleaves that I have ever seen.

[Ki]

I too wish you well Pam.

[Benjamin]

I wasn't going to leave a comment, in some ways in felt crass to me, but like others I've been thinking about you and what it must take, will take, to share such thoughts here. My best.