a rose, a weekend, and feeling unsettled

Bud of Abraham Darby, a 1985 David Austin rose ('Yellow Cushion' X 'Aloha').

~~~~~

The roses are really starting to take off, and today I noticed that my white-flowering Lady Bank's rose has climbed a good 20' into an ash tree on the other side of the front fence - and there were flowers scattered all through the branches of the ash tree.  Unfortunately, sometimes I tend to like these chaotic ramblings - but I did make a note to myself that perhaps it is something that I should deal with.  Perhaps.

~~~~~

For the past two mornings, when I've walked outside with the Dan and the Stan, warm salt air has greeted me, a fragrance that instantly tells me the direction of the wind and reminds me, quietly, that I live near the ocean.  It is the fragrance that would excite me as a child, when my family would take long vacations on the Delaware Shore - on that first morning when I'd wake up and run out to the screened-in porch and breath in that salty air.

This weekend I've enjoyed the comforts of the salt air, as I've struggled a bit with what to do with myself.  Friday evening I had an enjoyable dinner out with two friends - good conversation, a few tears, alot of laughter.  The wine didn't hurt either. 

Saturday was more difficult.  A Hospice nurse was showing up at my parent's home at 11:45 pm, and while that was going on, I found myself unable to settled into anything - so I got in my car and headed out to a favorite place, on Johns Island, and sat with my 87-yr old camellia-crazed friend (yes, the one with the pruning shears) and we talked about how camellias first came to this country via Massachussetts, how when he was a child living on Johns Island (on the same land that he lives on today) - that a neighbor down the creek from him had large kumquat and lemon trees, so large that they used to climb them, until a very deep and unusual freeze destroyed the trees.  We talked about cancer - and I told him about my Mother and he talked about his wife, whom he lost four years ago to melanoma.  We both decided that we didn't like the disease, that we didn't understand it - and he talked about his earlier days, working on the Charleston Navy Base in an asbesto and smoke-filled room for days, weeks, and months on end. 

When I got ready to leave, he said that he needed to give me some camellias, because he didn't know how many days left that he had, and that he needed to be sure that I had enough camellias.   I just said thank you, mainly because I couldn't argue his point - and at 87 years of age that's a pretty reasonable thing to say, I'd guess.  I was thrilled that he had a small 1-gal High Fragrance potted up for me - it's a camellia that he had shown me in February, and I had fallen for it's wonderful fragrance.  Since I'd been rambling on about what to put in a camellia 'walk' in my back corner garden, he also gave me two small (6") japonicas of unknown parentage (he had transplanted them from his camellia garden containing over 600 varieties, where crazy camellia flirtations and more were going on all of the time) which he said could be a boring red one with small flowers or a stunning beauty that might win all of the camellia awards in years to come.  He also gave me two 6" sasanquas - most likely 'Maiden's Blush' - which I don't have in my garden and am thrilled to include.

I've talked about Skip's camellias before on these pages - but in case you've missed them, please do take a look (here and here).  He loves his camellia garden about as much as anything in this world - and he is a fascinating example of how one man's obsession can contribute to a Genus - quietly, persistently, fully.  I want to do the same thing, but I'd better decide soon the one Genus that I want to become obsessed with - and then get on with it.  It is time.

~~~~~

Today I've been more unsettled - I've planted Skip's camellias and sasanquas, packed a few boxes, cleaned the house up a bit, I've spoken with friends on the phone - and it's obvious that my emotions are close to the surface, perhaps even spilling over - and I'm grateful for their patience with me.  I spoke with my Mother on the phone, asking her if she would drink something, perhaps eat some fruit.  She says that she is not in pain, but just feels badly all over.  I sense that she is scared, like she doesn't know what is going on in this body that she has always enjoyed and cared for.  I need to get home, and think now that I will try to leave on Tuesday instead of Wednesday.  I just want to be there with her, to see if I can be of any help.  Having your Mother not want to eat is beyond heartbreaking - but I need to be heartbroken with her, instead of heartbroken here in South Carolina.  I need to be in Virginia.

Comments

[3Dsound]

Friday I visited the Va Tech website because I'd heard that many of the families had accepted the state's offer of a settlement.

And because it's been a year. I wish I was there.

You should leave as early as possible on Tuesday and stay as long as needed. What you don't know is that nothing will fall apart while you're gone.

[kate]

I'm glad you are going Tuesday - you will feel much better being with your mum in person. The camellias are beautiful as are the roses and Dan and Stan can bring a smile to anyone's face.

[John B.]

Peace be on you and your family, Pam.

[Annie in Austin]

It sounds like Skip was the right person for you to be with on Saturday, Pam. But now the right person for your family to be with is you. May you have a safe journey with love shared at your destination.

Annie

[Layanee]

I have an 87 year old Aunt who is as interesting and curious as your friend. Age does beget wisdom if one is open to it I think. Have a safe trip and remember that there are much worse things than not eating and drinking. No pain is a blessing. Enjoy the time spent with Mom. I was touched by your last post.

[Taylor]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I can't imagine the feeling of not being there- it must be so difficult.

At least you have lovely gardens to walk through. Something about flowers in bloom raises my spirits more than almost anything.

[Kim]

Wishing you good thoughts for a safe (and fast) trip tomorrow, Pam. I hope that you can take some camellia calm along for the car ride, at least... ((hugs))